Auntie Harper #28

1. I can never think of anything to do in Bristol with the bird when it’s raining. You know Bristol. Please help!

You sound like someone with very little imagination. Bored of the cinema I assume? Moaning I guess, because it’s costing you an arm and leg for the tickets plus a kidney on the popcorn? Huh! Stop being such a tight fisted twat and spoil the young lady.

2. I have spots, proper bad spots and although my mates take the piss and I laugh it off, it hurts, what can I do about it?

I woke up yesterday morning with a spot on my nose the size of Vietnam. This thing is big, bright and red. The guys in work keep taking the piss out of me by calling me Rudolf. I’m praying that this thing is gone by tomorrow morning… Sorry mate, spots are a fact of life. You’re just gonna have to live with the face you were born with I’m afraid. I knew this girl once that had a bit of spot fetish. Could hook you up if you wanted?

3. I love my job, really love it but it’s a dead-end, call-centre no-brainer and my friends keep telling me to move on. Do you reckon a call centre job is OK, or do I need a proper profession?

You loser! Call centre jobs are great in the short term, but as a career they totally suck. It’s like battery farming on a different scale. You sit at your desk waiting for the magic bleep, roll off some complete crap that someone else has written for you and you’re meant to stay polite the whole time, 1000 times a day, everyday. You’ve gotta sort it the hell out. Get a proper job!

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